Why the crows gift?

I decided to call my blog the crows gift because I feel crows have given me a great gift. Something no one else could have given me.

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I’ve always loved birds. Growing up we always had budgies and as a teenager I had a menagerie of small parakeets, lovebirds, cockatiels, budgies. And I loved the individual personalities of all these little feathered creatures. 25 years ago a psychic told me he could see huge glittering wings behind me and that crows were my totem. Even now I love my chickens, each one with a distinct personality. They bring me great joy. I’ve always loved all animals but birds and dogs have always seemed extra special to me.

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For a long time I wanted to paint but didn’t. I wanted to, but, I wouldn’t let my self. To be fair, it really was only me that was stopping me from painting. I’ve had time and supplies and supportive family so there is no real reason I have never really worked at painting. Self-doubt and voices from the past told me I couldn’t. It wasn’t safe to try. After all, as my grade 12 guidance counsellor told me 20 odd years ago, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t a *real* artist. But, somehow last year I got the courage up to try. I was inspired by a photograph of a crow and as an exercise I decided to try painting it. And it turned out. Better than I expected. My brother and husband were encouraging and so I chose to paint another crow and this one turned out even better. And so I kept painting crows. I worked on learning about how acrylics work. I started giving greater thought to shading, texture, expression, light and shadow. (I am still learning about all of this with each painting). My successes at this point were giving me a much-needed boost to my artistic self-confidence. I started to believe that maybe I could be an artist. Somehow it felt like this was a gift given to me by the crows themselves. I felt and still do feel a strong connection to my subject. It’s like an artistic life line. I try to give them a presence on my canvas, a voice, a face. Individuality. To see them. And I feel like they are giving me so much in return. They are like signposts guiding me towards the way back home. Somehow they have given me back myself. And for that I am truly thankful.

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9 thoughts on “Why the crows gift?

  1. Hi Tina! I am so glad to see you posting again! I hope this is one of many many more to come. How fascinating to have that psychic tell you about your totem animal! I am working in a group and our teacher is a psychic (it was a how to become more in-tuned and psychic ourselves). She is going to offer us a class about our animal totems soon, I’m excited to learn what mine is. She has told us that usually it is the thing in our life that we have the most. I’m not sure what that would be for a crow, but she gave the example of an ant. Someone found out theirs was an ant and they weren’t too thrilled with it… but she said that to remember an ant can carry many many times its own weight so that turned out to be a good one!

    I am so happy for you to have gotten the courage to pick up a paint brush because I think you paint beautifully and if this is your beginning stuff just think of what is to come after you have painted miles of canvas! You know, I had a similar experience by a music teacher, she had told me I couldn’t sing and I still carry that with me to this day (some 30 odd years later). I try to remember, especially with my son, that we live up to our labels. I try not to ever tell him he can’t or he is bad at anything. I need to maybe do this with myself as well.

    I’m so glad we’ve become cyber friends 🙂 I look forward to your next post.
    Jaime

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  2. Apparently you are a writer. It still baffles me how trusting I was about adult input when I was young. Negative feedback, not constructive criticism. Getting in trouble in English class for writing beyond my age level. I can empathize with this on a very personal level.

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    • Thanks. I wish I could do things over in my life sometimes. Instead I try to be an advocate for my son in the way I wish someone had been for me. I’ve also realized it’s not too late for me to change how my life goes from here out. I’m going after what I want now. Better late than never 🙂

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  3. (Jen here) I think your stuff looks great! I always send Joe certain posts I come across that I think he will like or seem interesting (this way he has an idea of who some of his followers are as well) and I definitely want to show him yours. Granted Joe is the artist and not me but I think your work looks amazing! -Jen

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    • Thanks Jen! I really appreciate the positive feed back. I haven’t really shown it to anyone but a few friends and family members. It’s scary putting artwork out there because it’s the best you can do and when people don’t like it it’s hard not to feel rejected. But one someone does like it, it’s very gratifying and validating 🙂

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      • Well, I think it is great! I know what you mean, I decorate cakes and with each one I always think what others will think about it, if they will like it as much as I do. It is always nice to hear positive feedback when it comes to something you not only put so much time and energy in but also put so much passion into it. -Jen (I sent Joe a few of the paintings so he could see. 🙂 )

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  4. Joe said that he got the pictures I sent him of your work and that he thinks they are great. You are very talented and you should showcase more of your work. It is always a little frightening at first, wondering what people are going to think of your work. You have talent though and the positive feedback from your work will make it easier to want to display more and more.

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  5. Thanks 🙂 The feedback definitely does help!

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