NIght Owls, Unite!

I have come to realize I’m a night owl. It takes me all day to get ready to be productive. Trey is gone with his Dad and Glenn is back in Alberta. I thought I’d get a lot done today but had a discouraging start in the studio today. Just couldn’t get the background quite right for a painting I wanted to start. I took a break in the early afternoon and made vegan seitan donair meat. Whooo boy! For anyone not from Nova Scotia, donair is a spicy meat, shaved thin, placed on a greek pita, with red onions, tomatoes, sweet garlicky donair sauce and mozza cheese. It’s generally seen as a greasy fast food best eaten at pizza corner on your way home from a heavy night of drinkng. I’ve never really been one for drinking but I used to love eating donairs back when I was an omnivore. I am a reluctant vegetarian and have been for the better part of ten years. I like meat, I like the taste, smell and texture of meat. I like how satisfying it is.  I’ve been exploring the wonders of home made seitan, aka “wheat meat”. It’s awesome. high in protein, chewy, tasty and very satisfying. So today I decided to try this recipe http://vspot16.wordpress.com/tag/vegan-donair/… it’s awesome! I can’t wait for Glenn to come home so he can try it too. Step daughter is making it tonight for her BF who is a chef, wonder what he’ll think. Ah, he’ll love it because she made it 🙂

Anyways, back to the real reason for posting, after a donair break to recharge my creative drive I finally made some headway with a painting. Still have a way to go but I’m off to a good solid start.

Here is the background with some outlines taking shape

ravens, crows, painting, acrylic

outlines of ravens

 

ravens, crows, painting

Just starting to block in some tones

raven, painting

bit more done

raven painting

getting there

crow painting

still needs lots of work

 

And I think that’s it for tonight. Trey comes home tomorrow and I need some rest. Going to join this creature….

Poodle, sleeping, dog

Let it ALL hang out!

 

I’ll post more tomorrow and hopefully get caught up on all the blogs I follow. It’s been too long….

I’m done!

I think I’m done 🙂 Here are some not so good pictures. I *really* need to get my brother ( http://www.novascotiadreams.com/ ) to come take some good pictures. Bring your camera next time you visit, big brother!

ravens, full moon, night, birch

Finished but I’m having trouble getting a good picture. It’s not this blue. The birds don’t have blue on them, that should be grey…

Poodle, standard poodle, ravens, crows, birch, full moon, night

All of our paintings undergo rigorous inspection before getting the poodle seal of approval.

ravens, full moon, night, birch

Better colour here but it looks grainy and blurry.

I’m thinking of putting this up on etsy as I’m running out of wall space! What do you think?

raven, painting, night, moon

I’m baaaaaaaaaack!

Ok. So my husband was home for three days and is gone again. I love having him come home but three days isn’t enough. Although I must say it makes the time we do get together extra special (and extra spicy – nudge nudge, wink wink. Say no more, say no more) And at the same time I certainly accomplish a lot more when he isn’t around. So it’s all good I guess. Trey is gone with his Dad for March break so it’s just me and the poodle beast.

Poodle, rescue, standard poodle

Jaxxon the rescue poodle

I’ve been running errands, getting lots of exercise and eating the super healthy things I like and no one else does, helloooo red beans and rice! And most importantly, I made it back into the studio! Huzzah!

I’m just on a quick lunch break, although it’s closer to supper, oh well – time flies when you’re having fun! So I thought I would post some progress pictures 😀

just chalking in the outlines…

raven, painting

chalk outline

starting to block it in…

raven painting, moon, night

stage 2 of ravens

Adding more paint….

stages of painting, raven, night, moon

stage 3, adding more paint

starting to add some definition and body to the second raven…

acrylic, painting, ravens, moon, night

mostly blocked in

other guy….

raven, painting, moon

close up of other raven

Now I’m going to do a quick little spark exercise video and then back to work! I’ll post more later 🙂

 

 

 

 

About Patience

I’ve really wrestled about how personal to get in my blog. I’ve always been quite open and it has certainly bit me in the butt at times. I’ve been pretty hurt by nasty comments on the internet before. It’s the reason I haven’t been on face book for years. Ultimately, I’ve decided to share, for now. I recall how confusing it was when I first started thinking about ADHD and how much I wished I could find another parent to ask questions of. And I can always delete the post if it’s drawing negativity into my life….

I just read this post over at http://theycallmemummy.com/ and I thought she did an exceptional job of explaining what adult ADHD feels like. ….I realized I have ADHD after my sweet, sensitive, misunderstood son was diagnosed with it. As I read book after book on the subject I started seeing myself. And it was shocking and incredibly validating. It didn’t change anything but my perspective and my understanding of him and myself. For me, it gave a new perspective to a lifetime of screwing up, not fitting in, being misunderstood, feeling like an outsider, never belonging. Feeling raw, ragged and constantly frantic as you try, and fail, to keep everything under control…to get everything right…just this once. Always feeling like a lie about to be discovered. A pervasive and constant inkling that you are a failure. A lifetime of being “overly sensitive” because you’re already raw from constantly discovering you’ve made another mistake and you’ve spent years berating yourself or internalizing others frustration with you. All the teachers who write you off because you just can’t pull it together. The teachers who write in your report card ” if she would just apply some effort…” The grade two teacher who got angry with you when she wrongly assumed you broke the complicated game she had made when really you were trying to help the kid who broke it put it back together. That kid walked away. You took the rap because you were “that” kid. The disorganized one, the one who never was prepared for class, never remembered homework, never knew what was going on or what was coming next. And you certainly wouldn’t speak up to defend yourself. You become afraid to make a mistake. So you don’t even try anything anymore. It’s too risky. You play it safe and try to disappear. You withdraw into yourself. And eventually after enough years you feel invisible. You might not be in shit but you also aren’t included anymore. You’re on the outside. And that’s a lonely place to be.

I’m trying hard to figure out how to help my son have an easier time with school and peers. It’s not easy. He’s prone to frustration, angry outbursts, getting over the top silly, over-reacting and having an overly developed sense of outrage over injustices. On the plus side, he’s sensitive, empathetic, sees the under dog  and becomes outraged over injustice and the unfairness of life. He won’t be a bully. He wants people to like him, he wants to make people laugh. He prays and worries about everyone at bedtime, he asks god to make sure “everyone is happy and has a good day tomorrow”. I love that he is sensitive but I know it leaves him open to so much hurt.

For me I have to say things got worse before they got better. Maybe it would have been different if I had known there was a reason why I struggled with things that most people didn’t even think about. But I never knew anything about ADHD.  I did put on the “bitch pants” (love that term)… Because you get angry after always being a failure, always being on the outside, and realizing no one gets you, no one understands how ragged you feel and that they don’t really care either. You get angry. Angry at yourself for always screwing up, angry at the world for being so harsh, angry at everyone for not understanding how hard you are trying, and angry about having your feelings stomped on by insensitive people. But mostly just angry at yourself. It puts you in a pretty rigid, bad mood. Mine lasted years. But the good news is just a little kindness and understanding can turn things around. If you’re lucky you find a few kindred spirits and figure out what’s going on. You learn to be gentle with yourself. If you’re really lucky you marry someone who loves you in spite of your failings and can see the good in you. I’m that lucky. I’ve got a great husband who I know truly values me and sees me. And I’m working on valuing myself. And I’m trying hard to make sure my son knows his value.

So check out this link if you ever wondered about adults with ADHD…And try to be  sensitive towards people who are dealing with things that you have no first hand *personal* knowledge of, you might think you know all about a condition, but until you have personal experience you really shouldn’t offer opinions or judgements.

Insensitive Things That People Say When You Have an Invisible Condition.

And about patience? For me it’s been the big answer. For everything. The world really would be a better place if we could all just slow down and be more patient with each other. With our spouses, children, bosses and employees. Practicing patience makes it easier to be kind. They go hand in hand. So I would add one thing to Ian MacLaren’s famous quote; Be patient and kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

PS—-If you have questions about ADHD in kids or adults, feel free to ask, just don’t judge. It’s a tough road because people who don’t have personal experience with the condition have such strong opinions about it… I’m embarrassed to admit, I was one of those people…(“No such thing as ADHD, when I was a kid, we just called them brats, nothing a good ass whoopin won’t fix!” That’s one of my favourites… I feel sorry for any child with “differences” who finds themselves in that adults care.)

I’ve tried it all, alternative treatments, more discipline, less discipline, medications, behaviour modification, special diets, supplements, waldorf school, public school, craniosacral, osteopathy, weights, wiggle seats, more rules, less rules…for both myself and my son. I can’t tell you what’s right for you or your family but I can tell you about our experience. I know when I first found out about my son having it, I was desperate for another parent to tell me what they experienced, so I’m open to sharing with anyone who has questions 🙂

Greetings from the dark side of the moon

Ok. I’m not really on the dark side of the moon but it feels like I might have at least fallen off the face of the earth for a few weeks. It sometimes feels like some mysterious force is determined to keep me from blogging . I wonder about what this could be and then I realize its the dreaded… *gasp!* procrastination monster! Also related to the perfectionist monster that likes to make sure *all* the housework is done before you even look at your studio. She’s a sly one because even when you do make it into your studio she likes to stress you out about ruining your canvas and wasting paint. But I have a secret weapon! MyVery sweet husband bought me a…. wait for it…..ROOMBA for my birthday! YAAAAY! Now I realize some women wouldn’t be happy about getting a vacuum cleaner for their birthday but to me it was one of the most thoughtful gifts he could have given me. He knows I hate having dirty floors and with the dog and his sand trap fur and Atreyu’s penchant for mucking about in the chicken coop and then tracking wood-shavings into the house, keeping the floors presentable was a big time sucking EXCUSE for not being productive in the studio. And he wants me to be productive because he knows it’s important to me and he’s awesome like that. So there’s one less excuse. And it’s been so helpful! I’m getting more done. Yay!

Now I know, I got the roomba on the 17th and I just started getting productive but I swear sometimes something is working against me. Between doctor’s appointment’s for myself, my son, my Mom and big productions like shaving the dog or changing bedrooms or painting walls, It often feels like there is no time to make art, let alone blog. But I think I’ve got things under control for now and I’m finally back in the studio.

Joe cool poodle

Hipster poodle disapproves of your excuses

I’ve just been working on a bunch of backgrounds for the past few days as I like to have supports ready so I can work whenever I am ready without spending too much time in the prep stages. I did finally finish my full moon one I started waaaay back in November. Raven on a Birch tree,

Shameful really. I kind of stalled after my friend that I was meeting with decided she doesn’t have time to paint right at this point and I understand what she’s saying but I really need that support and accountability that meeting with her every other weekend gave me. I’ve put an ad on Kijiji but haven’t gotten any responses : \ Sometimes my studio feels like solitary confinement. I need to meet other artists in my area. I’m thinking about putting a sign up on a bulletin board. I’m desperate!

And I’m *full* of ideas- they even keep me awake at night some nights, although sometimes my ideas are beyond my skill level which is frustrating and can be bad for self esteem. But I know if I don’t try new things and I just stay in my comfort zone, I’ll never learn and grow as an artist. I really want to take some adult ed. classes at NSCAD but I just don’t have that option right now. Most are evenings or afternoons and I have no one to watch Atreyu. So maybe next year when Mom is living with us. Do you ever feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew artistically? How do you deal with a painting you just aren’t satisfied with? Do you give up?Burn it? Paint over it?