where does the time go and how *does* she do it?

Where does the time go? I can’t believe it’s been so long since I posted last. I have been busy, at least I think I have been, however I don’t seem to have a lot to show for all my efforts. Mostly I have been working on my garden. The growing season here in Nova Scotia is quite short and time is of the essence when it comes to getting your plants in early enough to have them develop into ripe fruit and vegetables before the first autumn frost. We built four new 8′ x 4′ vegetable beds and had to extend the fencing to enclose this and keep the chickens out. Currently I am in the process of building four more small 2.5′ x 2.5′ foot raised beds for winter squash and snap peas. So far I have in cherry tomatoes, regular tomatoes, Swiss chard, head lettuce, leaf lettuce, winter squash, watermelon, corn, asparagus, celery, snap peas, bush beans, beets and some zucchini. I will be putting in pole beans as soon as the corn is tall enough which should be in a matter of a week or two. I love gardening but it is time-consuming. The flowerbeds have needed weeding and still do although I have managed to get some done.

In other spring/summer news, we got seven new baby chicks in May, four speckled Sussex and three barred Plymouth Rock.

chicks

speckled sussex, chicks,

Trey with his new babies

Unfortunately one of the speckled Sussex died in the first week that we had it, not sure exactly what happened it just passed away one morning. I had one part Plymouth Rock that was not growing, all the others had feathered out and she still had nothing but fuzz and a couple feathers on her wings.

Plymouth rock chick, speckled sussex, failure to thrive

tiny plymouth rock chick between two chicks the same age as her.

She was smaller by quite a bit- probably less than half the size of the other chickens her age. I left them outside yesterday and sadly she did not come home at night. Perhaps it was too soon to let them out unsupervised. I know the Eagles have been circling over our property quite a bit lately. Generally, they don’t land, but perhaps one of them decided it wanted chicken McNuggets for lunch. Little Mama has also hatched out two eggs. Not sure what they will look like as they are just eggs from my 1/2 auracana and the mutt Rooster that we currently have. They sure are cute though.

Breeze has recently decided that my two year education in massage therapy must not go to waste and is demanding more than just cuddles. She wants full on chicken massage. I may have found my true calling. At one point she actually had her head laying in my hand as I worked on her neck and wings. She sure is cute in a terrifyingly demanding fluffy dinosaur descendant kind of way.

 

One of my young hens from last year was attacked by something (probably a cat) and had to be nursed back to health. She was in bad shape when I found her, she had been missing for three days and when she showed up her face was swollen and cut up and she was bald in many places and quite lame. I put her in a Rubbermaid container and kept her in my studio for two weeks so she had time to heal without the other girls pecking her. She certainly enjoyed all the special food and warmth. I have to say I didn’t appreciate her rather pungent perfume though. But I’m so glad she pulled through. She’s especially curious and friendly now after having so much one on one time in the house. So that’s the latest chicken drama.

cat attacked chicken

Looking worse for wear

In other news, I’ve recently taken up running, which I’m quite proud of. It’s another thing I always said I would never do and like the other things on that list, I’ve been forced to eat my words. I’m actually enjoying it, which quite surprises me. I’m running out on the dyke lands near Atreyu’s school after I drop him off in the morning. I first started running on the trails behind our house but one of the Nova Scotia power workers stopped to inform us that there was a mother bear with three cubs in the area and that she had just been spotted an hour ago over the hill where we run. Trey had been telling me he could hear something in the woods but I didn’t take him very seriously (although normally he doesn’t say anything like that so perhaps I should have). I’m just glad we didn’t see her. So my cousin told me about the Dyke lands and I have to say they are much nicer to run on as they are quite level, theres a cool breeze and you can see for miles.

dykes, marshland, standard poodle. nova scotia

running in the dyke land farmer’s fields.

And I’m proud to say that I am seeing progress in my cardiovascular health. Which is the main reason I wanted to start running, although I have to admit it would be nice to lose a few pounds. That hasn’t happened yet. Which is disappointing as I have been consistently running 3 to 5 days a week for 45 minutes for almost three months now. Initially I would walk and run. I was probably walking more than running but now I am up to running most of it with a couple short breaks to catch my breath. I am so proud 🙂

poodle. nova scotia,

Beautiful morning

poodle

Rainy day walk

We had my very good friend Gabby come to visit with her three awesome children. They only stayed overnight but it was so nice to see them. I sure wish she would move to the east coast…At the very least I hope next year they can stay longer.

Glenn has been home and then back to work a few times since I posted last. Its always nice to have him home, even if it does mean my schedule gets scrambled. I don’t know how other people manage their lives so smoothly. I am in awe of women who are mothers and work outside the home and manage to present a polished face to the world. I don’t work outside the home, I only have one child (who is in school) and I feel run off my feet. I consider it a successful day if I manage to shower and make my bed…

congratulations

To be fair he has kept me quite busy over the past few years as we have struggled to help him find his place in the world. But I truly don’t know how people do it. I am so grateful for the life I do have as I don’t think I could keep my sanity and be fit to be around if I had more on my plate. For years I did work full-time and I managed somehow to keep things pulled together. But I wasn’t a Mom. I’d be a crazy, cranky Mom if I had to work full time too….

patienceAs it is, I consider it a successful day of parenting if nobody died.

 

I don’t feel like I could do it now. I just feel like my life has been one chaotic event after another and I’m not as resilient as I wish I was. I’m trying but it doesn’t come easy. I adjust to one thing and then there is another life changing event. I feel like I just suck at managing change and challenges. I better keep working on that since we are also in the planning stages of adding on to our house, once again. Mom will be moving in as soon as her house sells. I am not looking forward to the chaos of renovations, however, I am looking forward to the finished result. The house should have better flow and having mom here will be awesome. Trey is super excited. He keeps saying his dream house would have everyone living in it together. Poor child should’ve been born into a large family but I guess that kind of was the plan, it just didn’t work out that way. He so wanted siblings he tried so hard to love his stepsister even though she was going through her difficult and unpleasant teenage years and was frequently hateful to him. He doesn’t hold it against her though, he still wishes that she and her older brother were living here at home with us.

Creatively I have been painting just not finishing a whole lot. I stalled on my last piece I posted about as I couldn’t decide what to do regarding putting a quote on the painting or not. I had a quote in mind however I was nervous as my hand lettering is not that good. Perhaps the suggestion to leave it as is and make prints with a quote on them is wisest. I have been trying to get into the studio for at least two hours every day to work on my art. I know once I get in the studio I always enjoy myself and the time passes without me noticing however it’s hard to get there some days when you know seeds need to be planted, dishes need to be washed, laundry needs folding, and you want to take the dog for a run, etc, etc… I know it’s all about priorities and as Melissa Dinwiddie (http://melissadinwiddie.com/) and Corey Huff (http://theabundantartist.com/) stress; you have to put your art first if you want to be successful. So here are some pictures of some work that is in progress in the studio right now. Some of the pieces are closer to completion than others but I thought I should post something since it has been so long.work in progress, painting, crow

painting in progress, crow

early stage of painting in progress

crow, raven, painting

in progress

raven in oak tree

getting close to being done

raven, oak tree

I’m curious about the people who might be reading this, do you struggle with making your art (or dreams)a priority? Do you have a studio in your house? Or is it away from home? I would think having a studio away from my house would probably mean I would get more work done. Perhaps I will be able to manage that someday. In the meantime tell me how do you do it? How do you manage to get everything done in the run of the day? Is it easy for you? Or do you struggle as well?

The Easter Bunny is extinct!

There are no chocolate bunnies left in the Annapolis Valley! Oh no! What will we do?

So at the last minute I realized I don’t have any easter chocolate for Trey. Whoops. I made a desperate trip out to town to see what I could find. It wasn’t much. Everyone is cleaned out. And there were still lots of people out looking besides myself. (good to know I’m not the only bad Mom) There was actually a woman at the superstore customer service desk in quite a lather because she knew someone who bought two whole cases of chocolate bunnies there three days ago and it wasn’t fair because now there is none left for everyone else!!!… And I swear, although I’m crazy at times, it wasn’t me doing the complaining. It’s only candy, and although it *is* chocolate, even I know no one is going to die without it. The crap those customer service ladies have to put up with must be enough to make them slightly batty.

crazy

Oh well, I did get a chocolate chicken and some tootsie rolls and jelly beans for his treasure hunt. His main thing is a Dungeons and Dragons introductory redbox kit and a needle felting kit. Yes, I am trying to home grow a geek. And I’m proud of myself for making the rhyming clues that go in each egg weeks ago so it shouldn’t be too bad tomorrow night. Since Trey is with his Dad I have an extra days grace, we won’t do the egg hunt until Easter Monday. So hopefully I’ll get more painting done tomorrow. Here is where I think I will leave off…

Crow, branch, apple blossom, spring

I’m cross eyed so it’s time for bed. Hope you have a peaceful Easter Sunday tomorrow 🙂

IMG_1184

About Patience

I’ve really wrestled about how personal to get in my blog. I’ve always been quite open and it has certainly bit me in the butt at times. I’ve been pretty hurt by nasty comments on the internet before. It’s the reason I haven’t been on face book for years. Ultimately, I’ve decided to share, for now. I recall how confusing it was when I first started thinking about ADHD and how much I wished I could find another parent to ask questions of. And I can always delete the post if it’s drawing negativity into my life….

I just read this post over at http://theycallmemummy.com/ and I thought she did an exceptional job of explaining what adult ADHD feels like. ….I realized I have ADHD after my sweet, sensitive, misunderstood son was diagnosed with it. As I read book after book on the subject I started seeing myself. And it was shocking and incredibly validating. It didn’t change anything but my perspective and my understanding of him and myself. For me, it gave a new perspective to a lifetime of screwing up, not fitting in, being misunderstood, feeling like an outsider, never belonging. Feeling raw, ragged and constantly frantic as you try, and fail, to keep everything under control…to get everything right…just this once. Always feeling like a lie about to be discovered. A pervasive and constant inkling that you are a failure. A lifetime of being “overly sensitive” because you’re already raw from constantly discovering you’ve made another mistake and you’ve spent years berating yourself or internalizing others frustration with you. All the teachers who write you off because you just can’t pull it together. The teachers who write in your report card ” if she would just apply some effort…” The grade two teacher who got angry with you when she wrongly assumed you broke the complicated game she had made when really you were trying to help the kid who broke it put it back together. That kid walked away. You took the rap because you were “that” kid. The disorganized one, the one who never was prepared for class, never remembered homework, never knew what was going on or what was coming next. And you certainly wouldn’t speak up to defend yourself. You become afraid to make a mistake. So you don’t even try anything anymore. It’s too risky. You play it safe and try to disappear. You withdraw into yourself. And eventually after enough years you feel invisible. You might not be in shit but you also aren’t included anymore. You’re on the outside. And that’s a lonely place to be.

I’m trying hard to figure out how to help my son have an easier time with school and peers. It’s not easy. He’s prone to frustration, angry outbursts, getting over the top silly, over-reacting and having an overly developed sense of outrage over injustices. On the plus side, he’s sensitive, empathetic, sees the under dog  and becomes outraged over injustice and the unfairness of life. He won’t be a bully. He wants people to like him, he wants to make people laugh. He prays and worries about everyone at bedtime, he asks god to make sure “everyone is happy and has a good day tomorrow”. I love that he is sensitive but I know it leaves him open to so much hurt.

For me I have to say things got worse before they got better. Maybe it would have been different if I had known there was a reason why I struggled with things that most people didn’t even think about. But I never knew anything about ADHD.  I did put on the “bitch pants” (love that term)… Because you get angry after always being a failure, always being on the outside, and realizing no one gets you, no one understands how ragged you feel and that they don’t really care either. You get angry. Angry at yourself for always screwing up, angry at the world for being so harsh, angry at everyone for not understanding how hard you are trying, and angry about having your feelings stomped on by insensitive people. But mostly just angry at yourself. It puts you in a pretty rigid, bad mood. Mine lasted years. But the good news is just a little kindness and understanding can turn things around. If you’re lucky you find a few kindred spirits and figure out what’s going on. You learn to be gentle with yourself. If you’re really lucky you marry someone who loves you in spite of your failings and can see the good in you. I’m that lucky. I’ve got a great husband who I know truly values me and sees me. And I’m working on valuing myself. And I’m trying hard to make sure my son knows his value.

So check out this link if you ever wondered about adults with ADHD…And try to be  sensitive towards people who are dealing with things that you have no first hand *personal* knowledge of, you might think you know all about a condition, but until you have personal experience you really shouldn’t offer opinions or judgements.

Insensitive Things That People Say When You Have an Invisible Condition.

And about patience? For me it’s been the big answer. For everything. The world really would be a better place if we could all just slow down and be more patient with each other. With our spouses, children, bosses and employees. Practicing patience makes it easier to be kind. They go hand in hand. So I would add one thing to Ian MacLaren’s famous quote; Be patient and kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

PS—-If you have questions about ADHD in kids or adults, feel free to ask, just don’t judge. It’s a tough road because people who don’t have personal experience with the condition have such strong opinions about it… I’m embarrassed to admit, I was one of those people…(“No such thing as ADHD, when I was a kid, we just called them brats, nothing a good ass whoopin won’t fix!” That’s one of my favourites… I feel sorry for any child with “differences” who finds themselves in that adults care.)

I’ve tried it all, alternative treatments, more discipline, less discipline, medications, behaviour modification, special diets, supplements, waldorf school, public school, craniosacral, osteopathy, weights, wiggle seats, more rules, less rules…for both myself and my son. I can’t tell you what’s right for you or your family but I can tell you about our experience. I know when I first found out about my son having it, I was desperate for another parent to tell me what they experienced, so I’m open to sharing with anyone who has questions 🙂